Tell me how you really feel though…

I woke up in a blah mood this morning. I tried (unsuccessfully) not to own it, but it’s here. For some reason it made me think of a conversation I recently had with my friend John. In it, he asked how I was doing and when I replied fine, he gave me his who you talkin to look and said “No, tell me how you really feel. What’s good, what’s gettin on your last nerve Devoya?”  

I don’t know if I laughed or gave him props first, but I do remember thinking it was a funny thing to be asking out of the blue. Part of me still thinks he was just tryna make sure I was still cool with him since we hadn’t seen each other in awhile, but whatever.

So…because I’m in an almost bad mood today I’m gonna make a random list of how I really feel , what’s good, what’s gettin on my last nerve. You can either thank John or shake an angry fist at him for this. The choice is yours. Forgive me in advance.

me and john and deshad
Me & John & Deshad 2012 Prince Party

How I really feel:

+ I wake up most days thankful & with a smile on my face. Trust me, I’m amazed by this myself.

I wake up mad early. Anywhere between 3:30 -5:00 a.m  everyday since last summer. I try to fall back        asleep, but rarely does that work.

+ Because of the whole waking up early thing I have lots of time for writing, the gym and cleaning my kitchen.

–  I don’t do nearly as much of the above activities as I should. You know, on account of not getting enough sleep.

I still  haven’t figured out my health care coverage, found someone to do my taxes or made an appointment for my yearly physical either.

+/- I’ve  prepared myself a real grown up meal on average of 4 times a week for the last month.  I don’t enjoy it, but I feel better and it was time.

+/- I feel ready for a lot of things. I feel like my focus isn’t ready for a lot of things. Oh struggle, why you treat me so bad?

 I realized the other day that I like attention. Not huge amounts, but yeah. I think that one crept up on me. Also, when I don’t get any, I can get a little out the pocket.

I broke up with a couple of friends in my head recently, but not in person. John doesn’t like this character flaw of mine at all. He brings it up often. I try and sway the conversation elsewhere because I don’t like it much either, but when I’m done, I’m just done. I don’t require closure. And most folks who ain’t on my  love list tend to know that well before I silently walk away.  I got that from my Mama. But no, it’s not my best attribute. I’m working on it.

When I’m feelin good I go around pickin blossoms off trees and shit. | Source Deanna Cope Oakland 2012 Swank Part 1

What’s good?

+ My sister Lamonica and I have been on some serious sister tip lately. If she had good taste in music we would make an unstoppable HBG duo. Yeah, I said it.

+ Dwele at Yoshi’s earlier this month with Deanna & Mario & Chelsea & Cruz was perfect. Swank Part 3 coming soon.

+ Marianne Williamson’s A Return to Love has me trying to resolve old issues and be a better human being. I know right?!

+ I don’t feel like grief is winning as much as I did this time last year.

+ Planning trips to Austin, NOLA, The Rock and London. Not necessarily in that order. Because I grow more restless with each passing day.


List Making Pro-Tip: add something fun or dirty to your next list & see how fast you finish it.

What’s on my last nerve?

Folks with no follow through. Oh better yet, folks with no follow through who have no idea they have no follow through.

Lack of anything soulful…anywhere near me. I gotta be on some ol Uncle Traveling Matt  jawn whenever I need something to speak to my soul. Which let’s just be real, is all the time.

Procrastinators. I can only wait but so long. I will get an attitude while I’m waiting. It will go downhill from there. If you don’t value my time, I can’t pretend to value yours.

The scale. It hasn’t moved in weeks. Meanwhile I eat right, exercise and stay away from my beloved cookies. For what tho? For what? Ughhhh….

My own impatience with life and lessons and all the things that come with that.

Being in a bad mood on a rainy day.


Okay…this one was for you John. Now…let’s go somewhere already! Before I get tired.









one dayDevoya Mayo is Co-Creator of The Happy Black Girl

Get To Know An HBG is her favorite column to write.

You can contact her directly at








8 thoughts on “Tell me how you really feel though…

  1. joy graves says:

    I do feel what your saying , it does make us feel blah when were doing the thiings
    that should makes us feel better….im a fall kinda girl so the temperature rising on sunday made
    me feel blah and my positive energy began to melt.. This is when my mind checks out and just wants to go hang out in the bay area… I say road trip soon to take all of our blah moods melt away…lol

  2. Carlton Langston says:

    This post is very insightful. A true friend ask and expect a true answer not that what’s it to you, fine answer.

    The rainy day bad moods are from low barometric pressure are the worst. The traveling Matt reference was hilarious!

    You use jawn like you are or were from the Philadelphia region. Gives me away errrtime:) Love that words versatility, lol.

    Great read.

    1. devoya says:

      Thank you Carlton!
      I spent a summer in Philly. I swooped on jawn and brought it back to Cali with me like we was play cousins. 🙂

  3. John says:

    Yo’, that’s one of my favorite pictures of all time. This is also one of my favorite blog posts of all time (and not just because I’m in it). I find it amazing how you can bring joy to your readers even while we’re reading about your ‘blah’ day. You’ve got something, D-

    Also, that caption under the flowers had me dying.

    Don’t get tired, yet. You know we party ’till the sun comes up! (or at least we should)


    1. devoya says:

      You owe me one party ’till the sun comes up situation soon yo.

  4. Christy says:

    I’ve been feeling “some kinda way” too today…I don’t like the rain; it depresses me but I know we need it desperately….and I never thought I’d be “old” enough to say that…I don’t know about my work life; and I’m kinda teetering on sewing for other folks since they keep acting like they really wanna sport something I put my needle and thread too….and BTW, I could never, ever give up cookies…and you don’t either…..I love you girl….we always seem to be feeling similar…..(hearts, hugs, and smiles)

    1. devoya says:

      thanks for the comment ms stitches. part of me wants to stop talking about all the feelings but what would i do with them if i couldn’t release em? but yeah. i’m all over the place. growing pains are a pain for sure. i keep on moving tho. sometimes it’s toward something better, sometimes it’s away from something good that just ain’t working. i hope you find a good place to land too sis. we deserve it. if only because we are human and here and willing to do the work. <3

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