I woke up in a blah mood this morning. I tried (unsuccessfully) not to own it, but it’s here. For some reason it made me think of a conversation I recently had with my friend John. In it, he asked how I was doing and when I replied fine, he gave me his who you talkin to look and said “No, tell me how you really feel. What’s good, what’s gettin on your last nerve Devoya?”
I don’t know if I laughed or gave him props first, but I do remember thinking it was a funny thing to be asking out of the blue. Part of me still thinks he was just tryna make sure I was still cool with him since we hadn’t seen each other in awhile, but whatever.
So…because I’m in an almost bad mood today I’m gonna make a random list of how I really feel , what’s good, what’s gettin on my last nerve. You can either thank John or shake an angry fist at him for this. The choice is yours. Forgive me in advance.
How I really feel:
+ I wake up most days thankful & with a smile on my face. Trust me, I’m amazed by this myself.
– I wake up mad early. Anywhere between 3:30 -5:00 a.m everyday since last summer. I try to fall back asleep, but rarely does that work.
+ Because of the whole waking up early thing I have lots of time for writing, the gym and cleaning my kitchen.
– I don’t do nearly as much of the above activities as I should. You know, on account of not getting enough sleep.
– I still haven’t figured out my health care coverage, found someone to do my taxes or made an appointment for my yearly physical either.
+/- I’ve prepared myself a real grown up meal on average of 4 times a week for the last month. I don’t enjoy it, but I feel better and it was time.
+/- I feel ready for a lot of things. I feel like my focus isn’t ready for a lot of things. Oh struggle, why you treat me so bad?
– I realized the other day that I like attention. Not huge amounts, but yeah. I think that one crept up on me. Also, when I don’t get any, I can get a little out the pocket.
– I broke up with a couple of friends in my head recently, but not in person. John doesn’t like this character flaw of mine at all. He brings it up often. I try and sway the conversation elsewhere because I don’t like it much either, but when I’m done, I’m just done. I don’t require closure. And most folks who ain’t on my love list tend to know that well before I silently walk away. I got that from my Mama. But no, it’s not my best attribute. I’m working on it.
+ My sister Lamonica and I have been on some serious sister tip lately. If she had good taste in music we would make an unstoppable HBG duo. Yeah, I said it.
+ Dwele at Yoshi’s earlier this month with Deanna & Mario & Chelsea & Cruz was perfect. Swank Part 3 coming soon.
+ Marianne Williamson’s A Return to Love has me trying to resolve old issues and be a better human being. I know right?!
+ I don’t feel like grief is winning as much as I did this time last year.
+ Planning trips to Austin, NOLA, The Rock and London. Not necessarily in that order. Because I grow more restless with each passing day.
What’s on my last nerve?
– Folks with no follow through. Oh better yet, folks with no follow through who have no idea they have no follow through.
– Lack of anything soulful…anywhere near me. I gotta be on some ol Uncle Traveling Matt jawn whenever I need something to speak to my soul. Which let’s just be real, is all the time.
– Procrastinators. I can only wait but so long. I will get an attitude while I’m waiting. It will go downhill from there. If you don’t value my time, I can’t pretend to value yours.
– The scale. It hasn’t moved in weeks. Meanwhile I eat right, exercise and stay away from my beloved cookies. For what tho? For what? Ughhhh….
– My own impatience with life and lessons and all the things that come with that.
– Being in a bad mood on a rainy day.
Okay…this one was for you John. Now…let’s go somewhere already! Before I get tired.
Get To Know An HBG is her favorite column to write.
You can contact her directly at firstname.lastname@example.org