I feel everything, everything y’all. I ain’t just sayin that either. I’ve been this way all my life. It’s not something I particularly enjoy, but over the years I’ve learned ways to ride it out, compensate, or on occasion, even be cool with it.
Naturally, I gravitate towards people who understand this and love me regardless. I can’t be spending quality time with folks who trip on my ridiculous loud bursts of laughter & crying jags because I feel good or bad at any given moment. It just don’t work.
My twin spirit never trips on any of that though. In fact… over the course of our thousand lifetimes together we’ve come to learn that sometimes we even feel the same things at the very same moment. We are always on our cosmic love note steez. If ever there was someone on the planet that compliments my sometimes weary, often swollen soul it has to be Ara.
When we shared tea last week I knew he was going to tell me that he was leaving. Goodbyes are often bittersweet, but this one was different. I didn’t get bitter until this morning, when I woke up and realized we longer lived in the same city. Funny how delayed responses come around when they want. Instead of allowing my watery eyes to rule the day, I put on some Raphael Saadiq and walked into my kitchen. I made coffee, I made sweet potato muffins and then promptly got ready for work.
It’s hard to write this without mentioning that a great majority of the people I love no longer live in my area code. As a result lonely can set in quick & without warning. I try and stave it off today by doing something nice for someone else. Thus the reason I decided to bake muffins. I packaged them up and left them on the doorstep of an old friend I rarely ever see anymore. I suppose I just wanted the universe to know that I don’t take love for granted. I know that I’m equal parts of everything I get & everything that I give. I have always known this to be true. I don’t want the person who came to my grandmothers funeral, held my hand when I was at my worst, or allowed me to be a part of his family to move away. But I swear I understand that he had to.
We will probably still think about one another at the same time like we always have. He will probably still fall asleep in his new home at the very moment that I wake up in mine and I bet we’ll both still send texts confirming both these events. But no one else is ever going to reach for me with a seven second hug, send me dropbox dopeness courtesy of the king or suggest books or meditation exercises that blow my mind. So hell yeah, I woke up missing Ara Nalbandian. Trust me, if you knew him, you would too.
Oh…dig this. Here’s the video for the first song that came on when I pressed play on this mornings Saadiq playlist. Seriously. I can’t make this stuff up! Have a good week friends. Make something sweet for somebody and…Don’t you ever go away…Please don’t go. Not you, no, not you… – devoya
Devoya Mayo is Co-Creator of The Happy Black Girl
Get To Know An HBG is her favorite column to write.
You can contact her directly at firstname.lastname@example.org